As a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colorado and a #1 International Bestselling Author, David has helped hundreds of clients feel better and accomplish their goals.
Which Means That…
Anger gets in the way of your relationships.
It’s hard to stay close to someone because you find yourself getting angry.
You disconnect from others as a way of keeping yourself and them safe.
Anger is often a sign that your boundaries have been violated.
A boundary is where we determine what is okay for us and what is not okay.
Anger arises when someone crosses the boundary.
Anger gives us that energy to stand up for ourselves and maintain those boundaries.
1.Identify what the boundary was that was crossed.
Was it someone that said something to us that we found is respectful?
Was it getting cut off in traffic?
2. Notice what needs to be done to maintain or shift those boundaries going forward.
As an example: speaking up to the person who said something that felt disrespectful to you.
What Really Causes Rage?
Rage happens when something in the present reminds you of a past, unresolved boundary violation or boundary violations, often many of them that occur over time in a very similar way.
As an example: someone speaking loudly to you reminds me of getting yelled at when you were a kid.
As a result, maybe you have a rage reaction because it’s reminding you of those past events.
Anger from the past is still stuck in your system now.
That anger is getting activated now as a result of something that’s happening in the present that reminds you of of the past.
How to Work with Rage
Giving yourself the opportunity to express this anger and let it move through your system in a safe space is the key here.
Allowing yourself to fully voice the anger inside and feel it as it moves through allows it to release from your system.
Often that rage happened in the past when our needs weren’t getting met. So if you can heal those past wound by meeting your unmet needs, often the rage will resolve.