Infidelity – one of the partner’s being sexual outside the relationship
Financial Issues – couples with trouble communicating often don’t talk about money
Sexual Difficulties – struggling to connect sexually or getting your sexual needs met.
Intimacy Issues – Not feeling emotionally connected with your partner
Relationship difficulties can happen in any of these relationships.
They happen because your needs or the needs of the other person are not getting met.
The key is to get both of your needs met.
Let’s look at how to do that in four steps.
Get familiar with your emotions, for example, happiness, sadness, anger and fear.
Your emotions are information that tell you how you’re doing and whether or not your needs are being met.
Ask yourself in any given moment: What emotion am I feeling?
This is a way to start to increase your emotional awareness.
Ask yourself in any given moment: What emotion am I feeling?
This is a way to start to increase your emotional awareness.
For example, these four needs are things that commonly come up in relationships:
Consistency. Does my partner do the things that they say they’re going to do?
Affection – Am I getting the physical connection that I’d like?
Connection – Do I feel emotionally connected to my partner?
Integrity – Is my partner being honest with me? Am I being honest with my partner?
Once you notice what you’re feeling and needing, be
willing and open to ask for what you want.
This is where you directly ask to
get your needs.
For example: “Would you be willing to sit with me and listen while I share about this tough experience I had today?
Or: “I noticed you said you’d wash the dishes after dinner, but that hasn’t happened this evening. Would you be willing to wash them tomorrow after breakfast?”
1. Once you get clear on your feelings and needs, it becomes much easier to empathize and understand your partners feelings and needs more and more.
You can ask your partner about their feelings.
For example: “Hey, it seems like you’re feeling sad? Is that true?”
Or: “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated right now. How come?
Then you can ask them about how you can help them meet their needs.
For example: Would it be helpful if I held your hand while you shared that with me?
Or: “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated right now because you really want me to understand what you’re saying? Could you say it in a different way?”
Or: It “seems like you’re really needing some support right now. What can I do to support you?”
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